Self Sabotage
Self Sabotage Definition: Self-sabotage is when you actively or passively take steps to prevent yourself from reaching your goals.
This self-sabotaging behaviour can affect nearly every aspect of life:
Relationship
Career
Weight loss
A cycle of behaviour that lowers your self-confidence and leaves you feeling stuck. Stemming from a lack of self-belief and a poor view on how you identify with yourself.
Does this sound familiar.... You are super motivated, you have written down your goals, bought some new gym gear, meal prepped and started sweating it out at the gym. You are on week 3 and 'SOMETHING' triggers you and you completely fall off the wagon.
It could be that someone has said to you that you are looking good and you take this that you can start to relax a bit or your body maybe feeling sore and tired and you feel like giving up?
If you are someone who does 'Self Sabotage' and have done so for years, let me tell you it is NOT your fault. Self Sabotaging comes down to your self confidence, self belief, self worth - all of which are established from 0-7 years of age. These formative years are so important when it comes to developing as an adult.
Here are a few thoughts/situations that can affect the way your sub-conscious thoughts work today. Can you relate to any of the points below, your experiences between the ages of 0-7 have created how you think and deal with life today:
A parent who ignored you
A parent who showed you lots of love and attention
Where you physically harmed
Where you wrapped in cotton wool
Were you emotionally neglected
Where you supported through different situations
My voice doesn’t matter
I was encouraged to voice my opinion
Negative inner voice – I’m never going to get that job, I will never meet a partner, I can’t wear a size 12, I am not enough
Positive inner voice – I am excited about my job opportunities, I will meet a wonderful partner when the time is right, I will get to a size 12, I am enough
These are just some examples of how between the ages of 0-7 who certain situations and how you responded to them will then be mapped into your DNA. You will find that if you were brought up in a negative household for example, where everything was a drama, you will carry this with you and repeat it as well as this is the behaviour you have learnt. It takes work to re-wire your sub-conscious, if you feel you need a little re-wiring keep reading.
You can see the difference between how positive and negative role modelling can affect your subconscious and how your belief system is eventually set. If you are someone who does self sabotage, the good news is you can tackle it head on by showing up and doing the work that is needed.
Your sub-conscious mind is what you need to work on to be successful, imagine your sub-conscious as your bodies filing cabinet and what it knows and has already experienced in life is what it reverts back to over and over again as it is, it’s safety blanket. As soon as something is new and unfamiliar you start to experience self-doubt as your mind does not have a roadmap for it.
Why do you fear success
When you get close to achieving your goal you start to feel uncomfortable because it is new, as humans we don’t like change. Instead of becoming fearless we revert back to what we already know, the old habits and embrace the cycle that has been created. This makes us feel safe, our sub-conscious automatically returns to what it knows and can already predict the outcome.
Your subconscious will never allow you to become something you hate so your inner voice needs to be positive otherwise you will feel stuck.
You want control
You feel better when you feel like you are in control. By accepting a negative outcome ahead of time, you feel like you are in control even though it is not what you want to happen. You control your failure when you apply this self-sabotaging thought pattern.
You fear failure
You fear that you will give all you have to a goal and still not be enough. It is easier to give yourself reasons as to why you failed than to truly give it your all and still not succeed. This is the most overwhelming reason why you self-sabotage.
If you can see that you are someone who does self-sabotage and you would like to make some changes to become more positive, to be successful, to live with purpose then you need to do the work and in turn you will be making positive changes to future generations so they are free from the self-sabotaging cycle as well.
How do I know if I am self-sabotaging?
Ask yourself:
Am I prioritising instant gratification?
Am I avoiding what needs to be done?
Am I not prioritising self-care?
Am I always procrastinating?
Am I focusing on self-defeating thoughts?
Your mind is conditioned to what has happened in the past and is ready to combat anything in your way to keep you safe by dealing with things the way it always has. Your mind does not understand the future as it is not reality and the past is just your perception of events. The only way to make positive change when it comes to self-sabotaging is to do the work in real time, in the moment. Here are a couple of exercises to do to combat this behaviour:
Firstly, acknowledging what your self-sabotaging behaviours are and then write out ways to combat it. This is extremely beneficial, as you are writing out the solutions your sub-conscious will start believing it. You are consciously creating new positive memories which will then be used in the future when your sub-conscious needs to make decisions.
Hypnotherapy is also a great way to unlock neural pathways that have been blocked due to certain situations between the ages of 0-7.
Subconscious Mind – has so much to do with achieving your goals or not
Your left side of brain is your Conscious mind (Logic, reasoning) = 1% of your brain
Right side of brain is your Subconscious mind (emotions, feeling, beliefs) = 99% of your brain
We need to activate and influence the subconscious mind which is affected by memories and operates in the now, here is how to do this:
Command what you want
Feel what you want
Use positive words / energy attracts energy, what you think about you bring about
Use present tense when thinking and talking for example, I will weigh 65kg by 1 October 2024, it will then work with you to make it happen
When goal setting write in present tense, ‘I am going to …..’
Subconscious goalsetting relies on past experiences and also the present to make it happen. We are constantly creating the subconscious mind, work on deliberately creating positive change, command what you want and use visualization. When goal setting create them visually as your sub-conscious mind received information via emotions and pictures.
Here are 3 ways to break the self sabotaging cycle:
Set an emotional goal, when writing out your goals use emotional words which will enhance your belief in your goal
Visualize what it will FEEL like when you achieve your goals
Create a vision board for your mind to understand and connect with what you want.
Start doing the work today and be one to kick your goals in the butt! Greatness starts from the inside out, you have to do the work in real time and be comfortable spending more time with yourself in order to achieve success.