Understanding Self-Sabotage: A Journey Toward Healing
Are you stuck in a cycle of self-sabotage?
Self-sabotage is when you unconsciously or consciously hold yourself back from achieving your goals. It can show up in all areas of life—whether it's in relationships, your career, or your personal health—and it often feels like a frustrating cycle that leaves you stuck, questioning your worth and abilities. But it’s important to know that this isn’t your fault. Self-sabotage usually stems from deeper issues of self-belief, self-worth, and how we view ourselves, often beginning in our early childhood years.
Does this sound familiar? You’re feeling energized and excited—your goals are set, new gym gear is ready, meals are prepped, and you’re already putting in the work at the gym. But suddenly, out of nowhere, something triggers you, and you feel like you’ve completely fallen off track. Maybe someone complimented you and you took it as an excuse to relax a little, or maybe your body is sore, and you’re tempted to give up. It’s heartbreaking, isn’t it? The motivation is there, but something feels like it always gets in the way.
Here’s the truth: it’s not your fault. Self-sabotaging behaviors are often tied to deeply rooted beliefs, and many of these beliefs are formed before the age of 7. Yes, those formative years can shape how we approach the world today. And while it might feel overwhelming, it’s never too late to understand how these beliefs formed and start shifting them.
Reflect on your early experiences. Did any of these resonate with you?
Did you have a parent who showed you lots of love and attention, or were you emotionally neglected?
Were you protected and cared for, or were you left to figure things out on your own?
Did you feel like your voice mattered, or did you grow up feeling like your opinions weren’t valued?
These early experiences lay the foundation for how we view ourselves and the world. If you grew up in a stressful environment, where negativity and drama were constant, it’s natural that you might carry those patterns into adulthood. But here's the good news: You can break the cycle.
The process of rewiring your subconscious mind is entirely possible. It may feel challenging at first, but with time, patience, and self-compassion, you can begin to replace old thought patterns with ones that empower you. Your subconscious mind, the part of your brain that controls your beliefs, is like a filing cabinet filled with past experiences. When faced with something unfamiliar or scary, it will try to pull from what it already knows, even if it’s not serving you in a positive way. But you have the ability to change that.
Why do we fear success?
It’s a strange paradox, isn’t it? As you get closer to achieving your goals, you might feel uncomfortable or even anxious. This is because, as humans, we naturally resist change. We gravitate toward what we already know, even if it’s not what we truly want. Our minds, in their effort to protect us, will often return to old habits, keeping us in a cycle that feels “safe” but no longer serves us.
The truth is, your subconscious won’t let you become something you don’t believe in. If you struggle with feelings of not being enough, your inner voice will tell you that you can’t succeed. But you can change that narrative.
You want control, but that control can sometimes be self-limiting.
There’s a tendency to fear failure so much that we self-sabotage to “protect” ourselves from disappointment. It’s easier to convince ourselves that we’ll fail before we even try, so we don’t have to face the fear of putting in all our effort and still not succeeding. But imagine how much growth could happen if you let go of that fear and embraced the possibility of success instead.
If you recognize these patterns in yourself, please know that change is possible—and it starts with understanding and kindness toward yourself. It’s about challenging the beliefs you formed as a child and learning to replace them with empowering thoughts that move you forward. And by doing the work, you’ll not only break the cycle for yourself, but you’ll also create a brighter, healthier future for those around you.
How do I know if I’m self-sabotaging?
Ask yourself:
Am I prioritizing short-term comfort over long-term goals?
Am I avoiding tasks or procrastinating?
Am I neglecting my self-care?
Am I constantly battling self-defeating thoughts?
These are just a few signs that your subconscious mind may be holding you back, trying to keep you safe in familiar but unhelpful patterns. But remember, your mind doesn’t understand the future—it only knows the past. It’s time to create a new reality, one where you actively engage in positive change in real time.
Here are a couple of steps you can take today:
Acknowledge your self-sabotaging behaviors. Write them down, then list solutions. By consciously creating solutions, you’re reprogramming your subconscious to believe that change is possible.
Consider hypnotherapy. It can help you unlock and rewire deeply rooted patterns that may have formed between ages 0-7, allowing you to move forward with more clarity and confidence.
Your subconscious mind plays a pivotal role in whether you achieve your goals. While your conscious mind is only 1% of your brain (focused on logic and reasoning), your subconscious mind makes up 99%, influencing your emotions, beliefs, and feelings. To truly shift, you need to work on this deeper part of your mind.
Here’s how to do it:
Command what you want.
Feel what you want.
Use positive language—what you think about, you bring about.
Speak and think in the present tense (e.g., “I am reaching my goal of 65kg by October 1st, 2024”).
Visualize your goals, using emotions and pictures to connect with them.
Remember, positive change is a journey, not an overnight fix. Here are three ways to break the self-sabotage cycle:
Set an emotional goal by using emotional words that inspire belief in your goal.
Visualize the feeling of achieving your goal.
Create a vision board to help your subconscious connect with your desires.
Today is the day to start doing the work. You are worthy of success, and you have the power to rewrite your story. Healing and growth come from within, and you’re already on the path to becoming the best version of yourself. Let’s embrace this journey together—step by step, with kindness, patience, and a whole lot of belief in your ability to thrive.